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| Senior
Hayley Leake
has the dubious honor of being the oldest player
on the roster in 2007-08. The Billikens will count
on her experience in the backcourt to run the
offense with the same efficiency and heady play
that she has demonstrated in her 3 years as point
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In addition to always
making the correct pass and avoiding three
pointers at all costs, Hayley loves discovering
new music, reading the nutritional content of
everyone else’s food, and writing really big words
on paper.
She becomes the first senior to ever write in the
player diaries and we look for her to give us a
different perspective of a collegiate student
athlete as someone who’s been there and done that.
Let’s follow Hayley as she experiences her last 5
months of being a Division 1 basketball player.
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The Diaries – HAYLEY LEAKE
It's Times Like These –
Diary Entry #6
It’s times like these when the beginning and the end
somehow become inseparable. In the beginning, you are
always thinking about the way you want things to end—the
specific actions you want to have taken and also what
you want to have accomplished by the end of your moment.
And then the end comes, and you cannot help but think
about the way that everything began—the decisions, the
emotions, the vision that you had for yourself and the
people that you shared it with. After being removed for
a total of seven days from my end, my mind continues to
leap back and forth between my past and the future that
has quickly arrived at my door. The question is not
whether I feel prepared to take the next step in my
life; I feel very confident that I can do some great
things. The question does not involve my basketball
career and the experiences that I have had; I would not
trade any of them for the world. What I fail to
understand, and struggle to mend, is the small bit of
emptiness that rests on my chest. I know it is there
because I can physically feel it. I know that it is
there because when I think about it enough, my heart
aches because of it. I know that it is there because
when I am walking outside, and I hear other people
laughing and see other people happy, I cannot bring
myself to crack a smile—my actions and reactions all
come from playing the part—when on the inside I feel
lost—I am just not there, yet… This emptiness cannot be
‘worked out’. There is no amount of miles I can run.
There is not a type of food I can eat. No matter how
hard I try, there is not a single task that I can
complete that can fill this space. But, I guess that is
the beauty and the sadness of it all—my experiences have
latched onto my heart and every fiber of my being and
refuses to let go…
I would be very naïve to think that I truly understand
the value and significance of the past four years of my
life. I do not think it matters how well one thinks his
or her grasp is on the world, or how prepared one thinks
he or she is for the end of one chapter and the
beginning of the next. I know I do not get it yet. I
probably do not recognize even half the things I have
learned or lost. Looking back at my career, I can say
that there are things that I will eventually
accept—there are things that I have already
embraced—there are defining moments in my life that I
will draw from as I face new challenges. But, how do you
say good-bye? I am not talking about literally removing
myself from the lives of the people that have shaped my
life forever—that I have grown to love and care about so
much. There are going to be visits, emails, cards, phone
calls; I know that… I also know that it will never be
the same again. I will not be able to make fun of Lauren
and her nightgown. I will not be able to watch Hope
‘break-it-down’ in the locker room before the game. I
will not be able to see Maggie act crazy for no reason.
I will not be able to see the new adventures that I am
sure Katie and Amy will take this team on with every
away game. I will not be able to sit, with coffee in
hand, and have some of the best conversations ever with
Theresa. I will not be able to listen to Amanda sing
(even though its awfulJ). I will not be able to see Jay
start hitting jumpers all over the place. I will not be
able to hear the latest and greatest news from Jackie. I
will not be able to see Heather, yet again, out-muscle
anyone and everyone that stands in her way. These are
the things that are gone—leaving me to wonder how
anything can ever seem completely right or normal again.
But, life goes on. It does not stop even when you think
your world has suddenly frozen. I am not the exception;
I am the norm. People are forced to move forward every
single day. As I walk away, I know that a part of me
will always remain here. And I can only hope that
somewhere inside of the people that have made my life so
incredible, that they know or will one day realize, that
I would have held the rope forever for them. I would of
held it, forever… I love you, guys.
Hayley Leake
Class of 2008
Diary Entry #6 |
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Shimmy Gray, All Rights Reserved. |
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