TRAVELING MUSIC

You get real silly being in gyms and rental cars all day. You start looking for ways to entertain yourself that don’t involve 16 year olds and basketballs. Here’s mine. Hope you’re entertained.

Recruits in Many Places
(Sung to the tune of “Friends in Low Places”)

I didn’t mean to cause a big scene
At the rental car counter that day.
But that boy was wrong,
Knew it all along
When he said “No reservations for Gray.”
“Listen my friend. Please try once again.
It’s gotta be in there somewhere.”
He apologized but the look in his eyes
Said, “Lady. I really don’t care.”

(chorus)
I gotta recruit in so many places
After so many days all the faces
Are blending in.
What city am I in?

I gotta recruit in so many places
After so many games
All their faces
Are getting tired.
And I’m getting wired.
From so many places…


Planes, no trains, automobiles. Marriott hotels galore.
Walk in the gym
Sit with the rest of them.
Dang! I think I’ve been here before!
That’s not the case.
Get that look off your face.
You’re just seeing the same kids again.
The big one’s legit. I hope we can get
‘Cuz that hole in our middle she’ll mend.

Eating crap in a box. I ran out of socks.
And I lost my car keys yet again.
If one more referee tries hitting on me,
Then “No Habla English” I’ll pretend.
The road’s unforgiving
But watching hoops for a living?
Man, my life can’t be beat.
10 games a day while collecting pay
All I’m missing is a pad for my seat!

(chorus)
Taking trips to so many places
Trying to squeeze my big butt in some tight spaces
On these airplanes.
But I won’t complain.

Eating fast food at so many places
By the end of the month
There’s no traces
Of how I used to look.
Threw away my fitness book.

Recruiting in so many places……

Welcome home everyone! Now go take a vacation! 
 

IN OTHER WORDS

All season long you’ve been entertained by the writings of two of my players, Hayley and Lauren. It doesn’t take much to figure out the differences between the two of these young ladies. It’s evident in their perspectives and outlooks and even their writing styles. It’s the difference between being a senior, (Hayley), and well, being a freshman, (Lauren).

All year I’ve read Lauren’s diaries, and although they are very well written, I’m not really sure what she is trying to say. I’m afraid that in Lauren’s attempts to say the right thing, she’s not always saying the right thing. The world according to my young freshman writer always seems to be covered in an optimistic & auspicious film. I applaud Lauren’s attempts to spare us from the sometimes, harsh reality of being a D1 freshman athlete but the truth is, sometimes its hard being a D1 freshman athlete, especially in a growing & building program like ours. Although it’s important to focus on the positive, it’s equally important to maintain your credibility in the process. In other words, keep it real.

So on this one, I’ve decided to act as an interpreter and break down what the budding Maya Angelou maybe really wants to say but is hesitant to say it. I’m giving Lauren free reign to speak her mind…through me. I don’t proclaim to be a linguist but I do a pretty good job of reading between the lines. And to the best of my ability, this is what I’ve come up with.

Lauren says:
“The regular season is over, but the journey continues.”

In other words:
“Whew! It’s finally over and I made it through my first year alive! Wait, what do you mean we have to do spring conditioning?!”

Lauren says:
“The journey to excellence is not confined to a season. The journey is the “commitment” to excellence.”

In other words:
“It’s a good thing my entire career won’t be judged by this season. Otherwise I’d be in trouble. I’ve got three more years to get this thing figured out!”

Lauren says:
“The mirror of D1 competition does not lie. We have beaten teams when a loss was predicted. We have also been defeated by opponents from “lesser” programs. We are a young team and we are a good team. Perhaps our biggest challenge during this journey is to consistently play well.”

In other words:
“Our record is what it is. We beat some teams we had no business beating and we lost to some teams we had no business losing to. We’re young but we’ve never used that as an excuse. We work hard but we’re inconsistent & that has been an issue for us.”

Lauren says:
“My freshman experience has truly been an education. The highs, the lows, the relationships, the classes, travel, and excitement helped make this a great season. Although I’m still a first year student-athlete, sometimes I no longer feel like a freshman. I feel like winning.”

In other words:
“This year…I got schooled! In between getting yelled at, going to class, getting yelled at, traveling all over the country to play hoop, getting yelled at, becoming a better player, and getting yelled at…I managed to still have a pretty solid freshman year. I’m still a clueless freshman but at least now I have a good understanding of what it takes to be successful at this level. Now I’m tired of losing, it’s ON!”

Lauren says:
“Folks, we are not done yet. You can count the wins, but don’t count us out. You’ll see…”

In other words:
“Look people, this season is over. However, we continue to improve as a team and a program and we’re going to get it done. Don’t hate.”

Nice job Lauren. I couldn’t have said it better!

SENIOR FAREWELL

We had our last home game last week. As with most colleges and high school programs across the country, the last home game of the season is the designated time to honor and celebrate your senior class for their contributions and accomplishments. Our two seniors this year had at times a tumultuous career at Saint Louis University, with coaching, teammate, and administration changes. They had to play their final three years for a coach that did not recruit them and they did not choose to play for. In their last two years they played with a rambunctious and outspoken group of freshmen & sophomores, which couldn’t have been easy. Both seniors brought something different to the table as far as personalities and on court strengths. Both left an indelible impression on this program in their own way. The following is my salute to Jackie & Hayley:

Senior Class of 2008…My wish to you would be to find new ways to challenge yourselves each and every day. Because a day without challenge & growth is a day better spent in bed.

My wish to you would be to continue to learn from your mistakes and become better women because of them. Because a day without learning is a day without growth.

My wish to you would be to appreciate each new day that comes your way. Because a day without appreciation is a day filled with regret.

Both of you, in your own way & by your own methods has taught me something about life, about challenges, about people, & ultimately about myself. And because of that, I value the opportunity that I had with you. In return, my wish is that in some way I have made a positive contribution to your life. If you do not think so now, my wish is that sometime, somewhere, and at some point, down the road, you will.

My wish for you is that you are leaving your college experience more rounded, more grounded, and more prepared for life than you were when it began. My wish for you is that you are equipped to not only live life as an adult but to contribute in your adult life.

My wish for you is that you would realize by now that the real world can often be cruel, unfair, competitive, & trying. Much like being a successful D1 basketball player. My wish for you is that you will fall back on your experiences from the last 4 years to help you overcome the challenges you will face as you move on to the next chapter in your life.

Please understand that the world can also be a wonderful, caring, embracing, & motivating place to be. But please, please understand that you will only get out of it what you put into it.

Finally…& most importantly, my wish to you would be to find your passion, if you have not done so already. Because ultimately, life without passion is life not worth living.

Senior Class I wish you the best. Your SLU family will always be here for you. College is supposed to be the best days of your life. I hope you feel they were.
 

I WISH...

In the mold of other obscure and unnecessary Holiday traditions, such as mistletoe smooching, re-gifting, and fruitcake, I bring to you Shim Shady’s Annual New Years Wish List. These are things that my alter ego, Shim Shady, wishes would happen over the course of the next year. Some may be a repeat of 2007’s wishes that didn’t quite happen, (for example, my butt never did stop growing. It just kept getting bigger and bigger so that’s definitely #1 on the list for 2008), but most are original. Enjoy!
 

Shim Shady’s 2008 Wish List:

· I wish Amy Winehouse would go to rehab and stay, stay, stay.

· I wish Anucha Brown would become the new GM and coach of the Knicks.

· I wish the Backstreet Boys and the Spice Girls would make a comeback...oh wait….they did make a comeback!

· I wish Demi would finally get bored with Ashton…and send him over to me.

· I wish Maureen Holohan would get the financial backing to make her wonderful movie. (www.mohostudio.com)

· I wish I would make up my mind…Curtains or Blinds?

· I wish my players would stay healthy.

· I wish Hope Solo gets another shot.

· I wish my seniors have the best year of their college careers.

· I wish Clayton would lose the pacifier.

· I wish I knew Victoria’s Secret.

· I wish the Billiken would get the respect he deserves…the little fella has earned it.

· I wish Shaquille O’Neal would join celebrity fit club.

· I wish Amy Klotz and Amanda Kemezys could dunk.

· I wish the people who say they’re going to come to our games would actually come to our games.

· I wish Britney Spears would…oh never mind. Don’t even get me started on her.

· I wish I could understand what the heck Bruce Springsteen is saying so I could possibly have a greater appreciation for his music.

· I wish for Kay Yow to continue to fight, win, and inspire many in the process.

· I wish I could dance. Then I could pursue my real passion: Justin Timberlake.

· I wish for an A.D. who doesn’t take himself too seriously but takes athletics and gender equity very seriously.

· I wish for more family night’s with Steph, Petra, Tony, JB, & Erin.

· I wish the NCAA would implement a coach’s dress code. No short tight skirts with an all male officiating crew.

· I wish I could bend it like Beckham.

· I wish iPods were waterproof.

· I wish I had friends named Will, Grace, Jack, Ross, Chandler, Monica, Joey, Rachel, & Larry the Cable Guy.

· I wish every official had the same angle on the calls that I have.

And last but not least I wish everyone a wonderful start to 2008! May all your wishes come true!.
 

THE TEACHER GOT SCHOOLED

Wow. For once in my life I’m speechless. I have nothing to say. No comebacks. No smart retorts. No witty one-liners. No well thought out passionate soliloquies. Nothing. Just me and my jaw dropped to the floor.

Coaches and Teachers often experience live lessons in futility on a daily basis. You do what you do everyday hoping, praying, wishing, willing that just one of “them” would get “it.” Oftentimes “they” get “it” when it’s all over and a little too late. But you take solace in knowing that although they didn’t get “it” when you needed them to, they eventually got “it” and someone will benefit as a result.

Today I received a journal entry from one of my players. Senior. Hayley Leake. I didn’t recruit her. She didn’t choose to play for me. Blew a knee out as a freshman. Played a lot as a sophomore because she had to. Recruited over her as a junior because I had to. Fought her way back into the starting line up as a senior because she wanted to & I needed her to.

Because we are struggling right now in the wins category, I expected a positive, cheery, “Hey..we’re almost there and just wait until conference starts and then everything will be great!” diary entry. I certainly wasn’t expecting what I received.

I wasn’t expecting to be impacted the way I was. I wasn’t expecting to feel the way I did while reading it. I wasn’t expecting to be motivated because of it. I wasn’t expecting any of it on any scale. Maybe it’s time I raise my expectations.

Check out her latest diary entry. You could learn something too.
 

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

Whew! Another July bites the dust! It’s August 6th and that means only one thing. I’m finally off the road! I should be writing this from home but with the timing and luck that only comes to us Gray-Millers, (since I have two last names I’m twice at risk to fall victim to familial bad luck.), my air conditioning broke. So as happy as I am to be home, I’m trying to avoid being there as much as possible. Malls, movie theaters, and Applebees make good reprieves.

So anyway, I’m done with summer recruiting. It was great! I watched the four future Billikens that will make up our 2008 class quite a bit. That was exciting as they really had great summers and will make our fans and me very happy for several years to come. Got a chance to watch young players who I hope will become future Billikens someday. I can’t believe how talented, (and HUGE), kids are these days. What’s in the milk? I even caught up with a lot of my friends in this business. I met up with former teammates and opponents and even several coaches who recruited me and are still in the game grinding it out. The shirts are different colors but the names and faces remain the same. We just keep recycling ourselves.

It was while sitting on the sidelines and taking part in some and eavesdropping in others, that I made some observations. 1.) We dress funny. (Who was the wise guy that decided that dri-fit was an all purpose material? And yes I know I am one of the worst offenders but the recruits dig the funny pants. What can I say?) 2.) I think we take ourselves waaaaay too seriously. We’re basketball coaches. Not rocket scientists, (Just because you coach in the Ivy League doesn’t mean you actually could have gone to school there.). Not Pulitzer Prize winners. Not soldiers fighting on the front lines going to war every day, (Um that would be public school teachers.). We’re basketball coaches. I’m not sure when we decided we were more than that but somewhere in between our comfortable paychecks and our custom made striped pants, we decided we were. What happened to our sense of humor? What happened to the camaraderie that used to exist in this business? “What happened to us people???”

Me being me, I looked around the gym and I imagined what life would be like for us if we didn’t take ourselves so seriously. And this is what I came up with:

TOP TEN THINGS NOT OVERHEARD, (but wouldn’t it be cool if they were), IN A GYM IN JULY BY COLLEGE COACHES:

10.) Oops. I left my cell phone in my car and I’m NOT going to go back and get it.

9.) So, what was the last non sports/motivational/business model book that you’ve read?

8.) Cool blue and white striped pants! That girl’s got style.

7.) Oh, you got a commitment from that kid out there? I’ll stop calling her then.

6.) I finally cracked the Da Vinci Code.

5.) My A.D. offered me a million dollar contract. I politely declined.

4.) Man, that Geno is a great guy.

3.) Loafers without socks and dress shorts look hot.

2.) Have you been following the whole Paris/Lindsey/Nicole saga?

And the all time coolest thing you will NEVER hear a college coach say in a gym in July....

1.) It’s not whether you win or lose. It’s how you play the game.

There it is. My very own top ten. For anyone out there  offended by this list, that means only one thing. You’ve got to stop taking yourself so seriously!!!

Have a great rest of your summer everyone.

STRAIGHT ROAD TRIPPIN'

Now I know why they call it the dead period. I’m dead. I’m dead tired. I have one week to enjoy the afterlife. Then I have to resuscitate myself right fast, because it’ll be back to life on the road. For those of you thoroughly confused, this is July. Which is the craziest month to be a collegiate basketball coach, or a college prospect for that matter. This is the month that we live out of rental cars, suitcases become appendages, and you forget your hotel room number because it’s your fifth room in as many nights. Sometimes you even forget which city you’re in because after awhile they all run together. Portland? (Nope, this place isn’t as green.) Chicago? (Nope, this place isn’t as cold.) Atlanta? (Nope, this place isn’t as traffic congested.) Oh, then I must be in Kearney, Nebraska. (Um, nope…you missed that flight remember? The traffic in Atlanta inhibited you.) Man, I give up. All I know is that my butt hurts, my eyes are glazed over, I’m running out of underwear, and I miss my dog. Therefore, it must be July!

Please don’t misunderstand the context of this blog. I enjoy the month of July. I actually live for it. It is the opportunity for me to reconnect with coaching buddies and evaluate some of the best up and coming younger players in the country. I love watching basketball and that’s what best sums up the month of July: an opportunity to watch copious amounts of hoops. It’s also a month full of adventure and unpredictability. Let’s recap the first 10 days of my July adventure to date….

So far I’ve managed to miss two flights, have another two cancelled, spent the night on the airport floor, (wearing white linen pants I might add.), get lost…A LOT, leave my briefcase in a rental car, and get mistaken for being part of a high school girls soccer team from Nashville, TN while waiting at the airport. That was actually fun. It gave me a chance to learn new terminology like: “Dadgum”, “Right fast”, (see the first paragraph for proper sentence usage), and my personal favorite new word, “Kaint”. (As in, “I kaint believe I’m gone miss this dadgum flight again.”)

I also got my ride officially “pimped” thanks to the kind folks at Budget. I tooled around Atlanta in style one day in a neon green Dodge Charger Hemi with black racing stripes down the hood and chrome wheels. I might be the only Black woman to drive around the streets of Atlanta in a faux racing car straight out of a lost episode of the Dukes of Hazard. This is how the exchange at the rental car counter went:

“Ma’am, we’re very short on cars today so I am going to give you this Dodge Charger.”

“Um, ok. No problem. Well, it’s not the one that looks like it’s covered in anti freeze is it? The one that the Incredible Hulk threw up all over? The Shrekmobile parked outside? The Green Lant…”

“Excuse me Miss Gray-Miller. Are you done?”

“Sorry. Yes. I’m done. But really, it’s not the green charger is it?”

“Yes it is. If you prefer, I can give you a 12 passenger van at the same rate.”

“Umm…I’ll take the green car. Thank you.”

And so you have it. I officially became known as Shimmy in the Hemi. Things really heated up at stoplights. Inevitably, a car full of teenage boys would pull up alongside me. “Coooool Car Lady!!! Yea!!! Rev it up!!!” I fully realized that after I peeled off, I would leave them wondering amongst themselves, “What’s the Black chick doing in the cool Hemi with the racing stripes? And dude, did she just yell ‘Yee Haw” out the window?” That’s right fellas, there’s something unpredictable about a 6 foot Black Lady driving a neon green Hemi. Welcome to July!

So now I’m taking a dinner break before my evening games start. My dog sitter has just informed me that my beloved boxer mix has stopped eating. Apparently he’s protesting my absence. He’s so dramatic. (He get it from his mama.) I can’t believe I am getting a guilt trip laid on me by a dog. Well, lucky for him I’ll be home soon. The dead period, the five-day hiatus where we have to take a break from recruiting has begun. I will sleep in my own bed, catch up with my current team, pretend like I don’t see the mail piled on my desk, wash my clothes, and then head back out again for Round Two.

If the second go around is anything like the first has been, bring it on! I KAINT wait for it to begin!

ARE WE DONE YET?

Wow. Theresa and Maggie just submitted to me their final freshman diary entries of the year. I guess that means only one thing, that they are no longer freshmen. Chalk it up. Their first year and my second year is done. Finished. Written. Over. And I couldn’t be more proud of those two and the rest of the team for what they have accomplished this year. Maggie ended up being our leading rebounder and picked up a couple of important team awards at the end of the year banquet. She was co-winner of the team Coaches Award and she won The Billiken Award, (which is awarded to the player that demonstrates a potent combination of passion and work ethic and leadership and commitment). Maggie also earned our Strength & Conditioning Award. Theresa finished as our team’s leading scorer and earned All Conference Rookie Award honors to go along with her Co-Coaches Award and her 4.0 GPA. I feel like a proud mama when I talk about them and I have to restrain myself at times.

As far as team success this year, did we win the number of games we wanted to? Nope. We were 2 short of our goal. And when you take into account that we lost 4 games by 2 or fewer points, it makes that reality sting a little more. But I won’t allow 2 games decided by 5 total points hinder the success that we had this year. Nor will I allow a missed shot here or a turnover there negate everything positive that this team was able to accomplish. My players grew by leaps and bounds. I haven’t been easy on the returning players and I wasn’t necessarily kind to the 4 freshmen that I threw into the fire and depended on so heavily for leadership and production. I expected growth and results and I wouldn’t accept anything but that from this group and that is what they gave me, both collectively and individually. My team grew up in year #2 and because of that, we were able to accomplish a few things and experience a moderate amount of success that did just enough to tease us and dare us to do even more next year.

This past spring has been the best off season I have EVER been a part of in my coaching career. They are standing on one side. They see where they want to go. They want to be there. So they worked to get there. The near misses of today propelled this team to rise every morning and challenge themselves and each other to ensure that they will never come up short again. At least not 4 games and 5 points short.

In addition to Maggie and Theresa getting it done on the court and the weight room this off season, they, along with senior to be Hayley Leake, have been meeting with me on a weekly basis to work on leadership skills. We will be young next year. We’ll be even younger than we were this past year. But that’s not a bad thing. That’s a good thing. That’s a GREAT thing. Young means hungry (Lisch). Young means passionate (Hennegan). Young means impressionable (Klotz). Young means stubborn (PAGANELLI!!!). But more important, as the team motto says, young means having the opportunity to Start a Legacy.

Starting in July, the Freshman Diaries will be passed on to two of our incoming freshmen, Lauren Woods and Tatiana Ortiz. They’ve got big shoes to fill. Even though Lauren will deny it, I think their feet are big enough to handle it.

FROM A DOG'S PERSPECTIVE

I’ve got a great man in my life. He’s good to me. Keeps me warm at night. Gives the best kisses. Faithful, which is a rarity these days. He’s never in a bad mood. And he’s satisfied with just the tiniest bit of affection from me. I rub his belly and give him a pat on the head and he’s just fine with that. So what if he snores and I have to pick up after him from time to time? We have the perfect relationship. The thing I love the most about him is his consistency. He loves me unconditionally, whether I’m happy or sad. Whether I’m wearing make up or look a hot mess. Most importantly, he loves me whether I win or lose.

His name is Flynt and he is my 4-year-old Boxer mix. I bought him while in Arizona and he followed me to St. Louis. He wasn’t crazy about the snow initially, but he never complained. Even though I have to leave him for weeks at a time because of work travel, he is always ecstatic when I return. My players have fallen in love with him and they often dog-sit for me or just come over to play with him, (and give me a hard time about how long my grass is in the backyard.) His name is homage to my hometown of Flint, MI. I never want to forget my roots and he epitomizes my blue-collar birthplace. He’s full of energy and life and he definitely appreciates all the little things. The walks around the block. The dog biscuits. The games of fetch, (which usually consist of me throwing, him catching, and then me chasing him to get the ball back.). He’s a very appreciative fellow who loves the simple things life has to offer but I’d be remiss if I didn’t go back to the consistency factor. Like my family and friends in Flint, this dog cares about me as Shimmy from the Block. Not Coach Gray-Miller.

Case in point: We started this season with a bang. 5-0. Best start in school history in several years. I remember the evening we clinched #5 very vividly. We returned from a road game and I was on top of the world. We were 5-0. Wait a minute, maybe you didn’t hear me. WE WERE 5-0!!!!!! (See, my first year at SLU we won a total of 7 games so 5-0 was a really big deal.) I put my key in the lock, which is his cue to emerge from his resting place and race to the front door. When he saw that it was me, he went nuts. I thought to myself, “Wow. He’s really smart. He knows we’re 5-0.” Hey, I leave the TV on for him when I’m gone so I’m thinking maybe he caught the news or something. So anyway, I walk inside and he starts jumping all over me. At that moment I felt like the greatest dog owner in the world. “We’re 5-0 and my dog really loves me!”

Let’s fast forward to the middle of the season. We have some injuries and play some great competition and those days of being 5-0 are well behind us. In fact, we started a different kind of streak. Try 0-7. We lost games we shouldn’t have lost and with each loss, I’m sinking lower and lower. As a coach, the losses always hurt more and as the head coach, you start questioning every decision that’s made. Whether right or wrong, it’s just what you do. So we have lost the 7th straight and I’m returning home. I turn down my street half expecting to see a For Sale sign stuck in my front lawn. I begrudgingly walk up the steps and put the key in the door. And then it happens. Out of nowhere, Flynt comes tearing down the hall and starts jumping at the door. “Oh great,” I thought, “He’s been watching the news again. He knows. And he’s not going to let me in this house. My own dog has turned against me.” I couldn’t have been any more wrong. I walked in that house and that dog starts jumping all over, licking me and giving love like you wouldn’t believe. “We’re 0-7 and my dog really loves me!”

5-0. 0-7. Doesn’t matter to Flynt. All he cares about is that I rub his belly, take him on walks, and play with him. If only everyone in my life loved me that unconditionally.

I realize that this business can often be cruel and the people associated with it can often be described as bandwagoneers. (Did I just make that word up? Probably, but you know who you are.) I also realize that if my players or assistant coaches jumped up and down and wagged their tails when we lost 7 straight games, I would question their passion and commitment to what we’re trying to do. Therefore I realize the unconditional love I’m searching for might only be found in the canine persuasion. But wouldn’t it be nice if the next time we go 0-7, I could just rub my Athletic Director’s belly or pat the booster’s on the head and they would still find me as wonderful as Flynt does?.

SOUL FOOD

Last night I had Thai food with two of my freshmen. You know them, Maggie & Theresa. If you have taken the time to read any of their diary entries, then you know a little about them. You probably have figured out that they aren’t your typical wide-eyed, immature, goofy freshmen. In fact, they are just the opposite. Mature beyond their years, Maggie & Theresa are hard-working, introspective, intelligent, & well grounded.

Mags and T make up half of our heralded first year recruiting class. In building a program, as we are doing here at SLU, we knew that we needed more than talent. We needed special kids who would be able to provide leadership, discipline, & passion. We needed kids who wouldn’t be afraid to take the path least traveled. We needed kids who were good enough to go to other schools and be part of their history but who wanted to come to Saint Louis and be a part of making our history. It’s no surprise then that Theresa and Maggie were the first to call me and make their commitment to SLU.

I remember both of their phone calls and the details surrounding them with great clarity. Theresa’s came first. At the time, I was at the mall purchasing my first computer when my cell phone rang. I saw the name on the caller ID and was almost afraid to answer it. Of course I took the call because when your #1 recruit calls, you ALWAYS take the call. “Coach Gray. This is Theresa Lisch.” (She had this bad habit of always saying her last name when she called. As if I wouldn’t know it? Part of that unpretentious nature that I love about her.) “Umm, well I hope I’m not catching you at a bad time.” “Oh. Of course not.” As I was getting ready to hand over my life, er, credit card to the 17 old computer geek. “Umm, well, I just wanted to tell you that I’ve made my decision.” “Uh oh,” I thought. “Am I prepared for this right now? I’m already an emotional wreck because I was talked into buying software that I didn’t need. Can I handle this if she rejects me in the middle of the Apple Store? If she does, will it push me over the edge and force me to upgrade to the bigger, faster operating system with all the bells and whistles in an attempt to self medicate?” Yes. All these thoughts really did flash through my mind. Well, to make a long story short, Theresa told me that she wanted to come to Saint Louis University and right there in that mall, I screamed and danced and promptly, yet politely, was asked to excuse myself from the store until I finished my phone conversation. It was awesome! I then called all my assistants and my Athletic Director to share the good news. We had received our first commitment and damn, it was a good one!

Somewhere between the Galleria and my house, I settled down and instantly began focusing on our next “big one”. (Isn’t that what Head Coaches do? Not enjoy the moment?) That next “big one” would come a couple of months later. Like Theresa, Maggie took several visits and really did her homework before making a decision. As tortuous as it can be for me, it’s what I want from all of the kids that I recruit. That way, when they are being yelled at by me the next year and thinking, “Man. Why did I come here? This lady is crazy!” They will realize that they came here because it was a well thought out decision they had put lots of time into making. After the demanding July recruiting month, I was looking forward to spending the next 10 days out of cell phone reach, on a cruise through the Caribbean. I was really hoping to hear from Maggie (or Katie Paganelli) before my ship set sail. I spent the night before the cruise in Miami, FL hanging out with P Diddy and Shaq. Ok, ok. I spent the night before the cruise in Miami, FL hanging out in the hotel restaurant & catching a movie. While in the movie, I missed a call from Maggie. She left a message saying she wanted to get in touch with me before I left. Uh oh. Here we go again. “Do I call her back now or wait? What if she says, ‘thanks but no thanks.’ That ruins my vacation. What if she commits? That gets my vacation started on the right note. I don’t remember reading this chapter in my Head Coaching 101 handbook.”

Ok, so you know the story. I called her back and she said with such confidence and pride, “Coach Gray. I want to be a Billiken!” And the scream and dance that began in St. Louis two months earlier was duplicated and perfected in Miami, Florida on August 9, 2005. Not only were we getting two very good basketball players. We were getting two quality kids. Excellent students. Leaders. Winners. Passionate. Hard workers. We were getting the cornerstone of what we were building.

Fast forward to last night in the restaurant. My two prized recruits are now freshmen starters for us. The first two to commit are now roommates. Our leading scorer (Lisch) and our leading rebounder (Hennegan) and they are trying Thai food for the first time. And it’s hilarious. I’m having the time of my life talking to them and listening to them and watching them. We talked about everything. We discussed, life, the future, socio-economic issues, family, boys (of course!), who’s the neatest, who’s the best cook, who is most likely to get married first (basically boys again!). We talked about everything BUT basketball. That was the one topic that I think none of us wanted to get into. I got to know them better as people and they saw me as more than just their coach. It was an excellent break for the three of us as we are smack dab in the middle of our season. We ate Thai but it might as well have been soul food because by the time we walked out of that restaurant, I was grinning like Jack Nicholson in The Shining. I just felt good. Good about our future and good about the kids that we have handpicked to be a part of all of this. When they made those phone calls to me almost two years ago, did I ever imagine that these are the types of kids we were getting? Yes I did.

I really did. Hey, I danced didn’t I?

2007: A COACH CAN WISH CAN'T SHE?

I don’t do New Year’s resolutions. I think they are asinine. Why wait for a particular date to resolve yourself to doing something that if it were important enough to you, you should’ve have been doing all along? However, I do believe in New Year Wish Lists. So I made one of my own. Well, I didn’t. But my alter ego, Shim Shady did. I’d like to share it.

Shim Shady’s 2007 Wish List:

¨ I wish that Bobby Knight would practice the same discipline & restraint that he is so phenomenal at instilling in his players.

¨ I wish that Donald Trump would get a new hairstyle. Better yet, just cut it off.

¨ I wish that more women’s basketball coaches would get million dollar contracts. (You can start with me.)

¨ I wish that the Billikens would reach all their team goals this year.

¨ I wish that people would stop asking me what a Billiken is.

¨ I wish that I had $1 for every time someone asked me what a Billiken is.

¨ I wish that my mom would actually use the running socks, walking shoes, & Mp3 player with the play lists, “workout jams”, “songs to get in shape to”, and “she’s a bad mama jama” that I bought her for Christmas two years ago.

¨ I wish that we would be able to keep our practice players.

¨ I wish that Eminem and Kim would get remarried.

¨ I wish that Brittany and Kevin would not.

¨ I wish that Tom Cruise would slowly go away. No, make that quickly go away.

¨ I wish that my players would stay healthy.

¨ I wish that my butt would stop growing.

¨ I wish that Pat Riley would make up his mind.

¨ I wish that my dog would learn how to do housework & start earning his keep.

¨ I wish that each of my players experience the emotion of cutting down a net.

¨ I wish that I’d make more time to play my guitar.

¨ I wish that parachute pants would come back in style.

¨ I wish I were a desperate housewife.

¨ I wish the WNBA would thrive.

¨ I wish someone would explain to me what a Buckeye is and why it’s a college mascot?

¨ I wish for upsets and parity and increased visibility for women’s basketball.

¨ I wish that movie theaters would have a frequent visitor’s punchcard.

¨ I wish that Vanilla Ice would make a comeback. Word to your mother.

Last but not least, I wish for health & happiness in 2007. Have a great year everyone!.

WINNING VS. SUCCESS

We’re on our way to Des Moines right now to play Big 12  power, Iowa State in a late morning match up tomorrow. Right now, as I write, we are 7-3, already having matched our win total of last year, & nearly doubling what it was 2 seasons ago. I’ve gotten a lot of congratulation emails & phone calls and the audiences I speak to at my speaking engagements are a lot more receptive these days. As a coach, it’s my job to win. And if you want to keep your job, you better win more than you lose. So would you think I was crazy if I told you that I don’t care about the wins nearly as much as other people seem to? Would you think I was a nutbag if I told you that I don’t look at myself in the mirror everyday and say, “Yeah! You ARE the woman!” Are you ready to have me committed when you find out that to me, winning does not necessarily mean success?

Don’t misinterpret me. I love winning. I really do. But I love being successful far more than winning because success stays with you a lot longer than a single win. There is a difference you know. Being successful means doing things the right way. And if you do things the right way long enough, the wins take care of themselves. In building a program, we talk a lot about establishing tradition and doing things, “The Billiken Way.” What exactly is the Billiken Way? The heck if I know. I’m making it up as I go along. I just know that there is a right way to get things done and a wrong way. The right way is with discipline, passion, hard work, and integrity. The wrong way is filled with short cuts. The Billiken Way is running sprints in practice and touching every line in the process and when one teammate misses a line, the whole team runs again. The wrong way is to overlook that seemingly minor transgression because it’s late into practice and we’ve been at this for a couple of hours and everyone is tired and really, “What’s the big deal anyway?” The Billiken Way is spending hours and days and weeks on the recruiting trail in gyms, schools, and counselor’s offices trying to find out as much as possible about the kids we are hand picking to be a part of our program. The wrong way is ignoring red flags that come in the form of bad grades, missed school, poor work ethic, and bad practice habits because, “I know but she is soooo talented and could help us right away.”

The hardest part about experiencing the moderate amount of success that we have thus far in a very young season is convincing our team that success is more important than winning. They are looking at us like we really are crazy. “Ok Coach. Let’s get this straight. We’ve never won here before and now we are but you’re telling us that none of it matters?” No, it matters. But what matters most is how we win. How we play. And how we conduct ourselves in the process. I want us to get to the point as a team where securing the victory isn’t enough. When we celebrate the “W” but embrace the challenge of working on the mundane details that will propel us to the next level.

I’ve said this before in so many different ways. Basketball is just a small part of the big picture. Basketball is a vehicle that my players use to prepare them for life. That’s why I take this so personal and seriously. I don’t want them trying to take shortcuts in the real world. I don’t want them quitting their jobs every time they are passed up for a promotion or anytime they are asked to stay late or work harder. And I certainly don’t want them feeling sorry for themselves anytime something doesn’t go their way or they are faced with adversity. It’s important that they celebrate triumphs in life and feel good about what they are accomplishing but only when they experience true success.

My staff and I don’t want to build a temporarily successful program. We want to do something that will be bigger than us and last a lot longer than our tenure here. We know that we aren’t going to be great from the start but there’s nothing wrong in starting to be great. The Billiken Way. Right here and right now.

NO REGRETS

A couple of weeks ago, our leading returning rebounder and a returning starter tore two ligaments in her knee, effectively ended her junior year before it even got started. Last year she was a captain for me until I removed her from that position in the spring. I didn’t feel as if she always put her team first. She took her captainship for granted & I didn’t think she was deserving of the honor of leading our team. So while she sat crying before our team scrimmage, I consoled her the best I could by telling her that by the time she was done, she would become the leader that I know she can be. Not exactly what she wanted to hear. She just wants to play. She doesn’t care about anything else right now but joining her teammates on the court and wearing that white and royal blue uniform in our next game. And right now, what’s running through her head is that she wasted an opportunity to make an impact last year. Now we are off to our best start in recent program history and she feels as if she’s not a part of it. She’s thinking about the fact that the opportunity she squandered may never come again. There is no guarantee that she’ll come back from this injury. There is no guarantee that she will ever play again. And if she does, there’s no guarantee that I wont have recruited right over her and that the voices of our evolving team won’t be louder than hers, minimizing her chances of ever being voted team captain again. Regret is the worst feeling you can have, and right now, that’s all she has.

Last year one of my former players from the University of Arizona died. Suddenly and unexpectedly, she died. She woke up not feeling well and the next day she was gone. Athletes die all the time. We read about it everyday and on every level. Rarely, very rarely is it the All American…the MVP…the glue of the team…the centerpiece. In this case it was. So I went back to Arizona and I sat at her memorial and I cried like everyone else. But I cried for different reasons. I cried because I never said goodbye. I cried because we weren’t speaking when she died. We were very close during my two years of coaching her, but towards the end of the last season, our relationship had grown tumultuous. I had become tired of her antics and mood swings and I started ignoring her and focusing my attention on other players. When I took the Saint Louis job, I had only a few days between telling the team goodbye and moving across the country. She wasn’t happy about me leaving and expressed that to me and she walked away. Just like that. I did not speak to or communicate with her again. So when I cried that day in the arena while a photomontage of her life flashed on the big screen, I was doing so out of selfishness and regret. I regretted that I didn’t tell her I loved her even though she could be a jerk sometimes. I regretted that I was holding on to a magazine with her on the cover with the sole intention of showing up at her graduation to ask her to autograph it for me while surprising her. I regretted a lot that day, and that hurt worse than knowing that I would never see her again.

You would’ve thought I would have learned my lesson well before she died. Four years ago, while at my last year at the University of Washington, I almost lost another player. She had a heart attack on New Years Eve and was in a coma for a couple of days. She pulled through, however. She received that rare second chance in life and we all received a second chance right along with her. A second chance to call up loved ones or people who have impacted us to thank them and tell them we loved them. Her near death experience was our warning to not take any of this for granted and to live each day to the fullest. And we did that….at least until we forgot.

I only know how to do things one way…and that’s with everything I have. I want to be the best at everything I do and I don’t know how to not live that way. Last year was the most difficult year of my professional life. I took over a program in disarray & my goal was to make it a winner. I thought that I could do it in one year. I worked hard. My staff worked hard. And the kids who believed in us, they worked hard too. But we still didn’t win the way I wanted. After our first game last year, I woke up physically sick. My body ached, my head hurt… I thought I had the flu. But I didn’t. I was just drained from my coaching style. We were literally trying to will those kids to victory. I was coaching them the way I played, with my heart and my soul, and trying to instill that same passion and fire in my players. The next day a reporter called me and told me that I should relax more during the games or I’d wear myself out. Throughout the year, other people gave me the same unsolicited advice. The thought being we weren’t going to win much this year so I should conserve my energy and save myself for when I can coach my own recruits. Hmmm…. I’m a rookie coach. I learn a great deal from those in this business that have experienced success at this level. So I made a terrible mistake. I listened. One game, I found myself sitting down most of the game and trying to remain as calm and demure as I could. I tried to be petite, (as petite as someone my size can possibly be), and lady like on the sidelines. We lost, as we were expected to do. The next day I woke up, well, physically sick. I felt even worse than I had after our first loss. Because the last time I woke up knowing that at least I gave everything I could to my team the night before and I did everything I could to help us win that game. This time I didn’t feel that way. I felt as if I had robbed my players because I didn’t coach them with that same passion and exuberance that I know comes natural to me.

I like to tell a joke that I heard only once but it left an indelible impression on me. After being told she only had 24 hours to live, a terminally ill woman was visited in her hospital room by an angel. The angel told her that God was going to reward her for all her good works and grant her another 40 years of life. She woke up the next morning to realize it wasn’t a dream and that her illness had been cured. She was so ecstatic that she had immediate plastic surgery and drastically changed everything about her physical appearance. She wanted a new face and body and look to go along with her new “life”. After leaving the hospital she was promptly hit by a bus and killed. Upon arriving in Heaven, she spied the angel and asked him why had he allowed her to die after promising her 40 more years on earth. After staring at her for what seemed like eternity the angel apologized and then admitted that with all the plastic surgery, he didn’t recognize her. And that is why he allowed her to die.

Why do I like that joke/story so much? Because it reiterates to me what I already know. “BE YOURSELF AND LIVE WITH NO REGRETS”. We have one sign hanging in our locker room. “When you walk off this floor, ask yourself, “Did I give everything I had to be the best that I can be?” If the answer is no, then you better get your butt right back out there. And that’s with anything in your life. Some of us have the opportunity of a lifetime. Youth. Talent. People who are supportive. Why waste it so that you can regret it later in life? Why bother going to class if you aren’t going to do the best job you can do? Why bother working out if you aren’t going to go as hard as you can and get the most out of it. Why bother being a friend to someone if you aren’t going to give the best of yourself to the friendship. What’s the point? This is what I learned that day: Regardless of who we play or how many of my recruits are on the team or what our chances are, I am going to be who I am and do it the way I do it. With Passion and fire and 100% of me.

In life you can’t half step. Nothing in life is guaranteed. Not a spot on the team. Not a scholarship. Not a position as team captain. Not your health…and certainly not your life. NOTHING IS GUARANTEED.

Live each day with passion. Play each day with passion. Work each day with passion. That’s the best thank you that we can give God for blessing us with the talent, our parents or guardians for supporting us and our coaches for giving us an opportunity. Let’s stop wasting it. Because then all we are left with is regret.

BALANCING ACT

I recently had an interesting conversation with a high school player. What she relayed to me during the course of our text message conversation had me up thinking most of the night. Three little words. One powerful sentence.

“Coach, I’m tired.”

She is a junior in high school and plays for a top ranked scholastic team and AAU organization. She is currently working out with both teams along with the obligatory conditioning, extra shooting, weightlifting, and the individual skill work that comes along with it. She is juggling basketball with a very demanding class schedule and also taking driver’s education. (Apparently only being able to drive to the hoop is not cutting it for her!) She has one day off a week and on that day, she is so exhausted that she only wants to sleep.

Now, are we supposed to feel sorry for her? I don’t think so, because ultimately this is what she has chosen to do. She wants to play a high level of college basketball and ultimately in the WNBA. Therefore, she is putting in the necessary work to reach her goals. However, what happens if she burns out before she even makes it to college? Who’s to blame? Her for having lofty aspirations and playing a sport she loves? Is it her family for supporting her endeavors and giving her permission to pursue her passion? How about her coaches for recognizing potential and not allowing her to waste a golden opportunity? While we are at it, should we blame a system that places so much importance on athletics and the prestige that comes along with it that we often lose our sense of perspective and sometimes, our minds!

This is a tough one for me because basketball is such an important part of my life. One of my mentors once said, “The key is finding what you are passionate about and figuring a way to make money doing it.” That’s what coaching is for me. It’s my passion, joy & my livelihood. But not my life, (Diener, stop laughing. It’s not.) If I lost my job tomorrow, (and after this column, I just might.), I would still love basketball and be involved in this game. However, I don’t wake up with hoop on my mind and I don’t dream about it every night. I enjoy other things. I pride myself on being a terrible guitar player and I love editing home videos for family and friends. I am a movie buff who will never be ashamed to sit in a theater alone to enjoy the latest release. I absolutely love music and musicals and live stage shows. I have no problem turning my phone off some weekends or choosing to not watch a basketball game on TV and sometimes I will even avoid having dinner on the road with coaching friends because all they want to talk about is, gasp, BASKETBALL!! I am not consumed by this game and I never want to coach players who are either. I wasn’t always this way, however. It’s easy to become so focused on what you love doing that it morphs into compulsion. Through trial and many errors, I had to develop a sense of balance in my life because it wasn’t healthy for me. I want my players to enjoy being an athlete and never dread going to practice, feeling as if it’s a burden. We work entirely too hard at this level to not enjoy what we are doing. Not to say we always have fun but those times when it isn’t fun, the love for the game kicks in and that is what compels us to push through.

I want to coach passionate and fierce competitors who have an innate desire to be THE BEST. Not just the best basketball player but the best student, the best friend, the best daughter or granddaughter, the best PERSON they can possibly be. Look at it like this, just because someone tells you they love you, it doesn’t mean they really do. And just because they never tell you they love you, it doesn’t mean they don’t. It’s the same way on the court. Just because you’re in the gym or office 24/7, that doesn’t prove you are passionate about the game and if you don’t live in the gym or office, does that mean basketball isn’t a priority? What you do should speak so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.

I don’t know when our priorities changed. I don’t know when being a great basketball player became more important than being a great student or a great person or a normal teenager. Balance has been reduced to something you do on a plyometric ball instead of something we do with our lives. I don’t want to coach a bunch of burnt out kids and work with a burnt out staff. I want us to enjoy what we are doing and do it with a passion and fervor unparalled to none. I want us to do what we do because we love it and not out of obligation or a sense that we will be disappointing others if we did otherwise. Go to a movie. Read a book. Go play kickball with the kids down the street.

And when you’re tired, go take a nap. No guilt about it.

KEEPING IT ALL IN PERSPECTIVE

"Winning the game was a life or death situation for the team and coach. It was do or die when she stepped to the free throw line and she knew it. Afterwards she said that missing those shots was the lowest point of her life."

I know there have been times when I have felt like my total existence depended on whether or not my team won a game. "Life or death! Do or die! Kill 'em all!" Hmmm. Let's get real for a minute. Life is life and basketball is basketball. Contrary to what your T-shirt might say, life is not basketball. Your life cannot even come close to being limited to the confines of 94 feet of hardwood and painted lines.

If you don't believe me, ask the teammates of Alisa Lewis. Are you familiar with Alisa? She played for the Cal-Berkeley women's basketball team for two and one half years. To say she actually "played" for the team would be an overstatement. Alisa was definitely a member of the team, and was present for every practice and game. However, she never received much playing time during her tenure as a Bear. In fact, I don't remember coaching against her, although the newspaper listed her last game action as being against a team I coached at the time. Alisa Lewis died a few days after her last game. She woke up with a headache, went to the hospital that night when she felt nauseous, was diagnosed with bacterial meningitis, and died. All this happened in less than a 24-hour period. It occurred too quickly for her teammates or family to even be aware of what was going on. Consequently, Cal was able to spend more time preparing for their last opponent then they did for the loss of one of their teammates.

I heard that between the memorial at Cal and her funeral back in her hometown of Spokane, nearly a thousand well-wishers gathered to pay their respects and say goodbye to a young woman who touched all of them in some way. I bet not one of those people talked about how many points Alisa scored against them or how many minutes she logged in a season. I'm going to go out on a limb and assume they spoke of her being an artistic, creative young woman who loved her boyfriend, her teammates, her family, and the color pink. I'm sure they talked about how optimistic she was and how she lived each day to the fullest. From what I know about Alisa, she was never driven by playing time or wins and losses, but instead by fulfillment of her own dreams and goals in life. She left an impression with her positive attitude and hard work. Did she impact others? I would say that the number of people who showed up to say goodbye to Alisa speaks for itself. I just pray that more than just my mom and the preacher show up at my funeral someday.

You might be familiar with Giuliana Mendiola. She's the brilliant guard who starred for four years at the University of Washington. She left an indelible impression on the record books. Scoring records and assist records and enough honors that could fill this entire blog. Upon graduating, she was asked to reflect on her collegiate career and I was amazed at what she chose to talk about. She didn't go on and on about any of her incredible on-court accomplishments. Instead, she talked about the night she and her teammates were there to save a distressed teammate's life. She performed CPR and, as a result, dished out the greatest assist of her career. That was a life-changing event for Giuliana. The record 43 points she scored in a single game was not. The loss she endured at her final home game on Senior Night was not. Saving her friend's life was.

A young man that probably few of you are familiar with knows first hand that winning a game shouldn't be about life and death. For Joe Kay, just surviving the win has become about life and death. Joe Kay was a Tucson, Ariz., athlete. He starred in volleyball and had accepted a full athletic scholarship to compete at Stanford. Kay was the hero in a high school basketball game a couple of years ago. Doing what every athlete dreams of doing, he hit the game winning free throws to upset the No. 1 ranked team. In an ironic twist on what should have been a momentous occasion for Joe, the fans stormed the court when the buzzer sounded and they trampled him. As a result, he suffered a stroke, which initially left him fighting for his life. It is doubtful that Joe will ever wear a Stanford uniform. In fact he had to re-learn how to perform tasks that you and I take for granted, like walking. The fate of the world didn't depend on whether or not Kay made those free throws. Just the fate of the game. One game. The outcome of which left him lying in a bed in Tucson, unable to walk or feed himself and probably wishing he hadn't practiced his free throws so much?

It is okay to be disappointed after a loss. You work hard for something and when you don't accomplish your ultimate goal, it's disappointing. Devastating? Momentarily perhaps-but life ending, absolutely not! It's great to be excited after a win. Believe me, I am the first one to pump a fist in the air or jump up and down after seeing a player or a team that I help coach hit a big shot or win a game. That excitement is the reward for your hard work.

What I am asking is that we all keep wins and losses in perspective. Coaches and players alike; we are all accountable. It's not the end of the world if you lose